Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Family matters

Hi All
As you know I am sick, so not leaving the house. Nothing much can happen when you don't leave the house so I thought I would share a few funny things with you that have happened over the years. I needed cheering up and writing them did just that.

I have a very dysfunctional family, We would make Dr Phil have a heart attack and the people on Jerry Springer have nothing on us. However that is a story for another time. I am the eldest of three children, I have two brothers and several step brothers and sisters. It is also a possibility that I have half brothers and sisters I don't even know exist considering my dads indiscretions. Anyway when you grow up with so much going on in your family life you develop a good sense of humour, well at least I did. It was my way of dealing with the constant rubbish at home. Keep in mind this didn't happen ALL the time. It was really only in my years at high school. I was also the plump straight A student with glasses so that didn't help either, gee kids can be cruel.

Anyway on to the funnies. My younger brother Josh was always a joker. He still is and him and I are always getting in to trouble due to our inability to think before we speak. Josh is eight years younger than me and I recall one day we were treated to an all you can eat dinner at Pizza Hut. This didn't happen often as money was tight, so you could imagine our excitement. We walked in the door, and Josh who was only about 5 at the time spotted two rather robust women sitting in a booth. He looked up at mum and in his quietest (which was rather loud) 5 year old voice said "Looks like they've been here a while." About half the people in the restaurant heard him and either choked on their food or laughed. Mum was shocked and embarrassed and didn't know if she should walk out again or pretend he didn't say it. Needless to say he got a good talking to when he got home.

My brother Daniel is the quiet one out of us three, he is a two pot screamer and Josh and I (me not so much now) can drink with the best of them. Daniel is now the father of two beautiful boys and has had to do a lot of growing up, as did I when I had my kids. I can just recall one night when Mum and Dad had friends over for a BBQ, Daniel would have been about 10 or 11 and he was standing next to the fire with one of Dad's mates (for arguments sake we will call him Fred). Fred turned to Daniel and asked in front of everyone "Hey Mate have you ever been caught wanking in the cupboard." Imagine a horrified 10 year old, and a gathering of about 20 people looking at him. Number one they were amazed that the initial question had been asked. Number 2 they were waiting to see what the response would be. "Dan screwed up his face and answered "NO". With that Fred replied "It's a bloody good place to hide." The whole gathering cracked up laughing. I don't know if Dan laughed but I remember looking at him and laughing because to me it looked like he was seriously considering how to execute it. MEN, well back then BOYS!!

Mum and I share a good sense of humour, she is my Mum as well as my best friend, I call her several times a day, which I am sure Telstra are grateful for. Even in the bad times Mum still knew how to laugh. I am trying to think of something outrageously funny she did and I am struggling, nothing stick out in my mind with her. She was always cracking jokes and laughing with us, but I can't think of any particular incident. She did once set her hair alight while lighting a cigarette, we found that funny but she didn't. She also accidentally kicked my brother off the bed once when she got a leg cramp. Those sort of things are only funny when your there though. I think Mum is funny all the time and it is small personal family jokes that makes hanging out fun.

There are of course heaps of funny things I can remember about myself but only A few springs to mind that I want to share, the rest are either embarrassing or happened in less than perfect situations. Mum and I were getting ready to go out, and I couldn't decide what to wear, I was in an unusually silly mood and was making jokes about my spare tyre being 14" and hers being a 17' and things like that. When I was finally getting dressed into my selected outfit I said "Oh shit", to which she replied "What now", I then said "You know you are having a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better." Mum was in stitches and told nearly everyone we saw out that day about my wardrobe malfunction. Keep in mind that I am a size 12F, So this made it even more hilarious. She would tell people and they would look at my boobs then at each other and laugh. My bra's and boobs size has always been the butt of many jokes, for instance Mum once told me never to bend over and walk backwards, because if I did someone may try and milk me. On a reasonably recent trip to Roxby to visit my brother, I misplaced a bra, I assumed I had left in the bathroom or it was mixed up with other dirty washing in the laundry. I told my brother if he found it to keep it for me as it was expensive. As are all my bra's due to the size. He then asked me how he could tell if it was mine. I told him if he can fit his head perfectly in the cup it was mine. His mates laughed the house down and found it highly amusing that Josh would have to put a bra on his head. To this I responded, That is how I check the size if I am rushed for time and can not try it on. They were amazed and didn't believe me.

I hope you all got a good laugh, bye for now and Happy Blogging

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